OT - "The" Talk...

[Okie Boarder]

So, I'm sure many of you have kids that are a little older and many that have younger ones. I've been thinking for a while about having the talk about sex and open the line of communication with my oldest son. Last night, there was a good opportunity, so I took it. My wife and I both talked to him, and we feel like it went well. I'm curious about what type of things you have included in the talk or what things you plan to if you haven't done it yet.

I spent time asking some open ended question with him about what he thought sex was. I also asked him what he thought the purpose was and what it means. I told him how it works (mechanics), and what the potential outcome could be. I also made sure he understood that anything he wanted to talk about or had questions about, he can always come to me.

Like I said, I think it went well and was one of those parenting moments that will leave a lasting impression...probably on him as much as me.

[csuggs]

I've got 3 teenage sons, and I gave them all "the talk" when they were in about 7th or 8th grade. Chances are that they've already heard a lot of sex talk by then, although most of it is probably from classmates so it's hard to tell what they've been told. We wanted them to know the truth so I talked to them about it all - pretty much. Yes it was awkward, but it did get easier with each of the boys . .

[Okie Boarder]

I think this is just the beginning. I've laid a decent foundation so we can talk more later. Once I see some more interest in girls, we'll be talking some more, I'm sure.

What all did you talk about or what did you leave out?

[Mani]

I haven't reached that point yet win mine, but I hear that the more open you are to discuss taboo topics, the less likely it will be for that kid to get involved in those activities. Kudos to you Okie.

[MMassassian]

I haven't reached that point yet win mine, but I hear that the more open you are to discuss taboo topics, the less likely it will be for that kid to get involved in those activities. Kudos to you Okie.

Im not sure it will keep them from doing them...but if they do get sexual involved they will be morel likely to talk to you about it and not hide it from you..same thing about drugs..your kid will get approached about drugs..they need to know about pure pressure and the effects and conq of doing drugs

[jet]

Okie..help me! Mine is coming up with lil andrew (or turbo prop) as we call him. lol. I dont know where to start? Or how far to go? You helped me with my bilge pump so I figured you can help me with this..right? lol

[Okie Boarder]

jet,

We went through the basics with him first on what sexual intercourse is. We took the approach of using the proper words to describe the parts and the basic mechanics. We then talked about the fact that sexual intercourse can result in producing a baby. We also quickly mentioned STD's. Then we went on to talk about the meaning of it. To me, this part is about personal belief so you need to think about what you want to teach him. Our approach was to explain to him that it was something a husband and wife do to share their love and intimacy with each other, and also that they do it to make a child, like him. We also went on to talk about how meaningful of an act it is and how it isn't something you just do with anyone. We made sure he understood that at some point he is going to become more interested in sex and that he can always talk to us about anything. We told him sexual intercourse isn't the only solution to the urges that will come about later on in life. We finished with reminding him that no matter what the issue is, if there is anything he wants to know or talk about we're always willing to listen or help him learn.

[ScottnAz]

Okie, I'm sorry if I missed it, how old is your son?

Kudos to you guys for talking with your kids as soon as possible. Like Mani stated, I think the more open we are with our kids and understand things are different as compared to when we were younger, the better off we'll be with them.

Hopefully I'm not too naive, but I think our 16 year old daughter is a "good kid", and am proud she has an open relationship with Lorrie and I, although, I don't think I'll be able to handle it if she tells us when she becomes active..... Of course, I've got it a little easier because I can skirt the sex talk and simply put the pressure on Lorrie to make sure she's had "the talk" with our daughters. However, there'd most likely be nothing more uncomfortable for a 16 year old girl than having a sex talk with her father....

[Okie Boarder]

He just turned 11.

Scott,

Although it might be uncomfortable, I'd suggest doing it, at least once with each. Your daughters will definitely respect you for it and I would bet it will make them realize a lot about how a real man can sit and talk about anything. I'm sure it will subconciously affect their choices with boys/men that will be of benefit to them in the long run.